Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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