Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
