fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So apparently I’m into choking now
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