I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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