Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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