I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
