i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
