How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My balls are so social today.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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