Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
