i permit you to call me
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
