Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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