how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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