We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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