so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
