We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
