I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
