i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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