I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
