loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
