so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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