DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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