i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize