Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Congratulations! We have a period
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