so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
