Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
