i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
