Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
