I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
