you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
