I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
