I wanna passion pit in your ass
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
