So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
