If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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