that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
