What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
