yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
