I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
