NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
