One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
