she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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