Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
