He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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