Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
