There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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