I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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