Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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