:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
