I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
