i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
