who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
40s are totally the cure
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
