I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
