Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
