Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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