OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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