You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
