I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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