careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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