I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
