OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I wish there were birth control emojis
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
