What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It was confusing and full of hummus
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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