Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
