I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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