you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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