Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
