You're my little dorito
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
