We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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